I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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