did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
