That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
