Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think your dad took our porno
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
