why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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