My hair reeks of homosexuality.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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