I think I just saw someone hide a body.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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