Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
