Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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