just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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