Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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