So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
