I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
