Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
