That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
