Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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