I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
