Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
