Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
