i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
