Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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