I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize