If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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