So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
