My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
