I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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