I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
if only i could text you this smell
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize