Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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