His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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