we have officially lost it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
