She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
