Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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