god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
