I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
