Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize