Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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