Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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