we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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