Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
