He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
