chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
