Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
