My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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