so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
