dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i think i just lost a toe
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
