She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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