He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
