I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
