He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
