I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
