he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
