she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
two words...techno handjob
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
