I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
