As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
