Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She tied me up with her honor cords...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
