He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
