He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
