Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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