he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
