everyone is single if you try hard enough
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize