While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
