So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
