I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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