I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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