At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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