i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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