Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
