good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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