So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
