I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
