He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
