$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize