i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need moral support for this bender
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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