you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
