And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
