he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
