There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
