Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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