How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
