I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
