I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my liver is dry heaving
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
