i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
