i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
