im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
