I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
