so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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