She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
