i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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