i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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